I see you restored your posts but like, what’s with the massive gap between 2021 and now?

Well 2021 was The Year of Health. I had originally aimed to become all buff and sexy and that, physical health, but a plot twist or two later I discovered I’ve got a bit of the ADHD. Looking into why my brain was seemingly broken was way more interesting than doing useful stuff. Diagnosed and medicated. Things got better.

2022 was The Year of Money. It was also pretty darn successful, all things considered. It’s nothing massive but I got my debts down from ~25k to ~18k or so at the start of the year with a bit of side work. Not too bad, should have probably done an emergency fund rather than pour it all into my banks’ gaping maw. Hey ho.

I’ve since moved to a freelance work style, having realised that’s the only way I’m going to touch the sides. It’s been 16 years of debt in salary based employment. It wasn’t working.

This also meant I could free up time to do my projects, but in reality it turned out all the free time felt more at home in mental health studies. I got as far as I could on my own but realised I needed some external help. Self referred and got into some CBT. No, not cock and ball torture. I’ve heard it every time I’ve used the acronym lmao, do a new one. Cognitive behavioural therapy.

I’ve wrote a little on that in the more recent posts. I’ll probably write more as I get on too.

So how come I’m back writing articles and that? You get 12 sessions on the NHS’ tab and my last one is tomorrow. I need a replacement.

I was doing that Andy’s Man Club thing, which I am in no way faulting. If you’re a bloke who has ever struggled with suicidal thoughts in the UK get yourself over to one!

Having said that I missed the last two sessions.. I dunno, my excuse is that my boots have fallen apart, which did happen lol. I discovered that when I walked through a puddle and took half of it with me..

I promised myself I’d try one session, and after that I promised myself I’d go back to one too. I didn’t really promise myself anything else from there and naturally nothing happened. Seems a bit of a dick move to only show up when I’ve had a bad week.

It didn’t help that in a place designed for men to talk things out and be all accepting I still managed to stand on my own not interacting or being interacted with.

Swear every memory I have of being in a hall of any kind my POV is standing at the edge looking in at everyone interacting normally and me just not getting it lmao.

That sort of thing is for the normal suicidal people haha. I’ll figure my own thing out.

I don’t have the time for any more mental health guff anyway, these banks want paying back. I’ll keep the stuff I learned with me of course, but that slider needs coming down from active learning to maintenance mode so that the money one can go back up.

Incidentally this year is The Year of Grit. Getting shit done, following through, succeeding, pushing forwards. Whatever the definition- aye, that..

Time to actually build a business? Either that or I’ll be restoring this post in 3 years time and regretting not starting now too.