That one episode of Black Mirror landed far too heavily in my head.

E: 2023-07-19. Bit of a content warning, it’s only polite innit. This one is a downer, go look at the next post about clearing browser cache or whatever it is. I’ve perked up now lol. Physically written down my tasks, plans, goals, and dreams since. Massive uptick. Hope you’re well! :)

Spoilers ahead and that. Go watch it if you want to see the story properly rather than my “yeah you understood what it was saying, well done” take. I’m just writing about something that’s been living rent free in my head for a while.

The episode is set up as a very simplified version of capitalism, aye, we all got the metaphor I’m sure. The main character Bing wakes up, does his job, earns some coins, eats, watches a bit of telly, sleeps, repeat.

You’ll aspire to have something more than you want, but wont ever get there just by doing your job well. Maybe though, just maybe, you’ll get lucky and someone you love will die and leave you a big pile of cash. The other character Abi also gets lucky in that she’s made a friend who is well off and willing to fund her escape from the system. Sweet!

Ah, no, afraid not. If you do get lucky enough to break out of the loop, it’s not what you wanted. Nowhere near. You’re still in the same system, and it’ll do with you whatever it wants as long as there’s a profit to be made.

Now our Bing has a reason to rebel against the status quo though, here we go! That’s raw fire and passion. Now he’s got the fuel to break out of the loop by himself, without any further loved ones kicking the bucket. He’s not just doing his job now, he’s breaking the chains. There’s a change to be made, and he’s gonna make it.

He works, and he works. He grinds his arse off until he manages to pay the entry fee for the chance of freedom. Now he can have his say, now he has a platform to point out the flaws of the way things are.

It’s very entertaining. People eat it up, they love it.. Nothing changes. Here’s your reward, son. You’ve done something big here, you’ve specialised. Nicely done! The exercise bike of life is out, a platform to really make some change is in.

He wakes up, does his job, he earns some coins, eats, watches a bit of telly, sleeps, repeat.

Black Mirror is just a TV show though, of course it is! I’m not that stupid, even I know it’s just a bit of thought provoking TV. Nothing to lose your sanity over.

Let’s take one of the most well known rebels from the real world, Johnny Rotten. Lead singer of the punk band Sex Pistols if you’ve not bumped into him. Rebel of the highest order, completely against the system, fuck this, fuck that. He’ll spit directly on your face if it makes a point. Working class lad turned success. He broke out of the system! Managed to “fuck you” his way out of the basic life loop, free of the shackles of capitalism, free to do whatever the fuck he wants.

Last time I saw him he was in a TV ad flogging butter. He was offered an MBE by the system he was rebelling against at one point. Well done you gosh darned rapscallion, you showed us.

There’s gotta be other examples though, right? Sure there is. I recently saw a tweet about people of all classes, of all earnings. They were asked how much they’d need to earn to truly be happy. The answer from everyone? “Double”. It doesn’t matter which loop you’re stuck in, you just want to be in the next one up.

Am I saying there’s no point to life? I mean, maybe. I kinda wish I had an ending for this ramble, something to nicely tie everything up in a neat bow and give you hope, but I haven’t come up with one. I’m still trying to figure it out.

Is it worth doing any of this? Depends if you’re happy living in a bigger room I guess, cause that’s the only reward. If you don’t really care about the room you exist in I’ll let you know if I find another meaning for life.

I have heard the meaning of life is to have kids and raise them well and all that but man.. I get what you’re saying but what if I’m just bringing another life in the world to get stuck in the loop? What if the kid figures out that life is a whole load of spinning your tyres? I sometimes wish my parents had thought of that. My dad cummed in my mum and now I stuggle to make rent.. Thanks for that.

Oh and for the love of a cripes, don’t take out any credit. As I’m writing this a card company called to tell me I owe them money. I did borrow it, sure, that is on me. I’ve locked myself into the basic loop with credit. My bank balance will probably never go above zero. It almost definitely wont by doing the day job. I need to grind my 15 million merits..

Maybe all this is a long winded way of saying I’m a lazy shit? That’s possible, and something I acknowledge. I completely understand if that’s how you feel reading this. It’s how I feel writing it.

Even worse, there’s people out there that are worse off than me! At least I can afford the room I’m living in and often I can afford to buy potatoes, right? I do acknowledge and appreciate that things could be worse. I get it, I do. The problem is I don’t know if things can be better.

Every month I try to grind harder, perform better, do more. Every month I feel like aye that was a good job, well done. Every month I’m disappointed by the amount of hours I did and the cash I managed to squeeze out of my time. Every month I’m still in debt. Every month I have nothing to show for any of it. Every month I’m the same distance from success as I was the previous month.

Debts, failing to achieve any goals, having to fight myself to get out of bed each morning, having to make rent, having to feed myself, having to justify my stupid brain wiring to a doctor every 6 months to stay on the adhd meds that just barely keep me happy with existence, the constant loop of this boring life.

I’ll set up another therapy session at some point, lol. To be continued.